Curiosity kills the cat

We should never compare ourselves should we? It'll only make us feel inferior.

It shouldn't be this way, but I find myself wanting to hear that answer so badly. Just like you want to hear mine.
We wanna know but we're afraid to ask, for fear the answer might be hurtful.

Who doesn't wanna be the best? C'mon, let's face it, everyone does.

28th March 2009
(Post created on 28th March 2009, left unfinished)

W:
Your simplicity is what makes me feel so comfortable when I'm around you. You're innocently-adorable, but not ignorant about matters in most aspects. You may have another side which I'm unaware of, but I believe that this side of you that I see remains dormant most of the time.

....

It's gonna be your 21st birthday party in a few weeks. Damn, we're all growing up so fast.
Do you remember those days we 'hung out' outside your class during recess? (': Those were 'cute times' I'd like to think of them as.

Hope you'll have a great 21st.

Feel so grossed out at myself every time I publish a cliche, emo post

Retarded.

Love, protection, possession

I can feel myself slipping away. Some sort of self-protection maybe? Told myself to do away w protecting the heart, but perhaps its in-born.

Every time that we quarrel I feel myself pulling away, and maybe if you don't hold on tighter, one day I might just slip away.

They say: Love is not possessing.
But I'm not 'they'. Everyone views love in a different light.

Alcohol and clubs (excerpt)

.....That period was one hellava ride I tell you. Partying the nights away; alcohol was the insanest yet most sane thing. It was.....fun? The deafening music, gyrating bodies, sweat-laden necks and hot breaths, too much to comprehend yet so easy to fall into.

It was kinda like you were so high on the stinging alcohol and your world is in a whirl and you just wanna stretch your hands out and touch the one person moving to the music just inches in front of you. That person was a stranger but you kept imagining him/her to be the one you've been perpetually dreaming of. That's what alcohol does to you. It drives you further into insanity such that none others not in the same state would never be able to comprehend. It gives you the adrenaline rush unlike any sprint or heightened jump, giving you the courage.

The courage, to just reach out and run your shaky hands down the small of her back, to breathe in her shampooed hair, together with a crazy mix of smells, her fragrance, the smell of the sardine-packed club and the vodka lime she had just five minutes before.
/
The courage, to fall into his muscled forearms and biceps, to press your tiny body against his chiseled body, to feel his largeness against you, and allow him to dry hump you till the song ends.

To touch him/her (the stranger) as if you were touching him/her (the one inside your head and heart).

Alcohol and clubs.

It has been so long since..........

I last blogged.

.

.

.

.

.

I last allowed myself to act like a 5 year old child, throwing silly tantrums and all.

I never felt that becoming a Vi was the worst decision in my life, until now.

I really wanted to know if those words you spoke were what you really meant.

No wait, I'm so sick of us, having to act as if we're having a secret affair, and being so ashamed that we can't even mention each other's names out loud without acting like we've committed murder. Fuck. Yeah, actually in some sense, I'm totally the third party. The third party who messed everything up.

This however, only in a friend-friend context.

Yeah, I'm sick of it all.

Coming back to the Vi bit, fuck, sometimes people have to get their facts right first.

Don't be so fucking quick to jump to conclusion can?? I don't feel like I need to explain anything to anyone, but that was the last straw.

I know. I'm useless. I don't contribute. What the fuck am I a Vi for then right?

What the fuck. Do you all have any idea what Vi means? It means Volunteer Instructor. VOLUNTEER right? It doesn't mean I have to slog my ass out for it. I volunteer my time. I volunteer my expertise. I volunteer to help out. Is it that hard to fucking understand?

Back then,

70% - Reluctant

30% - I should just do it, since I've been in RC for my whole life

Then people made the percentages change.

'Aiya, just join lah, if you don't like or got no time, later then say. You can MIA one what, just join lah. Join lah. Okay? '

'Fucking not okay' is what I should have said back then. Damn stupid. I feel damn stupid now.

'How to quit ah?'

& with regards to additions on my body, does that make me any different from who I am? I am still the same fucking person all of you know. What's so hard to accept? You knew me first before my additions. YOU KNEW me FIRST.

I really don't know why I'm feeling what I'm feeling right now. Its like, the sudden emptiness; a huge hole that I've been sucked into temporarily.

It's been a real long time since I felt this way, not to mention, I don't really like this feeling.

I kinda wish that there's something I can hold onto right now, maybe someone? Or something? Anything. There used to be people I could call straightaway - hence erasing this feeling totally, now, I'm not sure. Everyone seems to be caught up in their own lives - which IS of course, the correct way. Things change, & people move on. But then sometimes, I just want to stand still. Will there be anyone left in my radius?

"Sometimes I try so hard, but all I get is rejection from you. I give up, okay?"

I say this to myself everytime things do not work out, but I have never given up. And thing is, most of the time, I don't know what I've done wrong.

Now: Fine, suit yourself. I'm not going to be the only one that is giving. You have to do your part for things to work. But know that I'll still be here, as I always foolishly am.

My new obsession. Macarons, not MacaroOns. :D